The Law of the Playground
the letter b
page 11 of 11
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Gayness, like vampirism, is spread through intimate contact. Therefore, if you approached the Bumming Bushes at the far end of the playing field you were, literally, asking for it.
Hidden in those bushes were anything from one to five naked men who would bum any boy who came too near. They would drag him into the bushes and bum him until he liked it and thereafter he, in turn, would bum others and so on...
A brave group of boys once stormed the bushes and found no naked men but they did find a few lolly sticks an empty can and some string. This was all the evidence needed to confirm that some victim had been tied up and bummed with such vigour that a refreshment break had been necessary.
As the legend grew bolder the naked men were given names. There was Ram Bottom - the leader, Captain Kinky, Big Billy Bendy Bollocks and two others who always wore masks but were thought to be Mr Ellis (Geography) and the old man who swept up in the market and who had been caught masturbating in a public convenience.
approved Jul 7 2003, submitted Jul 7 2003 by Bob McBride
A game that involved folding your arms in front of you and running at each other. Fun when you are 6; excitingly dangerous when you are 14, as it becomes possible for a flying wedge of boys to launch the fat kid three feet in the air backwards across a corridor crossroads.
This was seen by a teacher, who said 'now that was silly, wasn't it?' to the fat kid as he groaned on the floor, ignoring the obviously guilty group of boys standing not ten feet away with their arms nonchalantly folded.
approved Apr 16 2005, submitted Mar 12 2004 by Name Withheld
The favourite half-bullying attack of Arnold Hill Comprehensive, derived from mass killer Ted Bundy. Accompanied by the battle cry of "ooww, Bundy...", the elbow was raised above the head and brought down on the victim, as the assailant launched themselves wholesale into the attack. It didn't hurt all that much, but it was very entertaining to watch, so the victim got no sympathy. A crowd pleaser - encores often requested. It isn't a bundy if the attacker's feet don't leave the ground during the blow. They may cry "bundy" but they are wrong.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Jon Blyth
It seems unlikely that this is really based on serial killer Ted Bundy. We did a similar thing based on WWF wrestling star King Kong Bundy who was something of a legend at an age where we weren't quite convinced that WWF was all fake.
approved Jan 18 2003, submitted Jan 17 2003 by anonymous user
A place in Germany where all the unperformed bundies (qv) are kept, waiting patiently to be delivered.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Jon Blyth
Maths teacher who developed the controversial but effective teaching method of grabbing kids by the throat and pinning them to the wall until they gave her the right answer.
Often resulting in panicked trial and error and a stream of steadily less discernable numbers.
approved Dec 20 2002, submitted Dec 19 2002 by Leigh L.
The act of burping in to your cupped hands and releasing the finger seal with a simultaneous blow of the stench in the direction of your mate, or victim. I am the world champion.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Giles Bicknell
So am I.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Matt Bond
A more cumbersome variant common to Derbyshire was the 'fart n blow'. You would have to get up, fart, bend down, and blow the fart upwards, and this would look pretty much like you were bending down to sniff your own fart, you scabby tramp.
The 'fart n blow' was largely eschewed in favour of the fart n waft.
approved Sep 27 2004, submitted Dec 30 2003 by Nick Hunt
Used correctly, a small, snappy National Health glasses-case can be used to capture and store a fart for most of the duration of a double French lesson.

This in itself is not surprising. What's more unsettling is the power that said glasses-case will exert over you as it sits on the edge of your desk, smugly full and pregnant with aromatic promise. You know perfectly well that it contains Spencer's fart, but for some reason the urge to check and make sure exerts a rising, and ultimately irresistable, pressure on you.

Eventually I checked. It stank.
approved Jun 13 2005, submitted Jun 13 2005 by anonymous user
A two-player game, each player would face each other about twenty feet apart. The game would start with the first player to swing his imaginary racket. He would then emit a loud burp when the racket made contact with imaginary ball.
The game was won in two ways, either one player would hit an Ace (a burp so loud that it would bring him close to vomiting, much to the applause of the audience) or would run out of burps.
approved Apr 23 2003, submitted Apr 3 2003 by rob rawlings
A combination of a squat thrust and a star jump that contains the word burp, which is a funny word because belching is funny.
approved Sep 28 2003, submitted Sep 28 2003 by Jon Blyth
Around the age of seven, when me and my friends first started getting noticeable (and pleasurable) erections we used to lie on our fronts in the field and see if we could make a hole in the ground with our willies. We never succeeded, although you could cheat with a finger or a stick.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Nick Kent
"Hey, Kent, have you found a wormhole?"
Ring any bells, Nick?
approved Apr 23 2003, submitted Mar 17 2003 by Nick Hunt
Prone to getting shot with air rifles. Ours was practicing his golf swing on the school field, and ran about 50 yards before falling over in shock. My mate got suspended, and wasn't allowed to shoot anyone else.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Ben Casey
A small village in Nottinghamshire, which has the same initials as "Blow Job", and thus allows Nottingham High School for Girls students to tell each other what they got up to with their boyfriends last night without actually having to mention the dirty deed.
As in "I went to Burton Joyce with Nick last night". Can be reversed - Joyce Burton - to describe cunnilingus, for the experimenting lezzers there.
approved Oct 9 2003, submitted Oct 6 2003 by Nick Hunt
There is a place in the UK (I forget where) called Dunham-On-The-Hill. This is funny. Don't think about it, just laugh.
approved Oct 10 2003, submitted Oct 9 2003 by Alistair Gray
A hobby less exciting and dynamic than train spotting. Peter and Kenneth had notebooks packed with bus registration numbers which they'd show us if we feigned interest for a fraction of a second.
How Kenneth got into bus spotting was actually a charming story. "I remember seeing a book bus outside my window when I was five and it was all painted and I just started liking busses". Aw.
approved Feb 26 2003, submitted Jan 20 2003 by Andrew Tyers
When the double decker hired for a school trip makes a sharp left, all boys on the top deck must hurl themselves violently towards the right hand side of the bus, in order to tip it over. Afterwards everyone must agree that they got the wheels off the road that time.
approved Feb 13 2003, submitted Feb 13 2003 by shaun andover
This was the nickname for one of our french teachers after the character used to advertise BT at the time. The rumour spread like wildfire through the school that Miss Jones had been spotted giving a 6th former a blowjob in a telephone box.
approved Apr 21 2005, submitted Dec 28 2004 by Ben Jones