The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Mouse Harden
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What about Casper? Great White? Cue-ball? Mary Whitehouse? Mr White White McWhitey White, the Whitest White with WEIRD EYES?



approved Apr 24 2004, submitted Apr 22 2004 by Mouse Harden
Being named Arran Bees would usually be considered sufficient grounds for a thorough and protracted bullying, yet the impossibly-named Mr Bees also had the gall to possess a pair of knobbly knees - which rhymes.
approved Feb 2 2004, submitted Jan 23 2004 by Mouse Harden
Not entirely true Log, when having a conversation on this particular subject with one of my ex-girlfriends (name omitted for legal reasons) I was informed that as an eight year old discovering the intricacies of the female form, she had once experimented with the leg of a Barbie doll. My all too prompt request to re-enact the sordid scene was unfortunately declined.
Bloody woman never did let me have any fun.
approved Sep 17 2003, submitted Aug 18 2003 by Mouse Harden
An incredible ability discovered by probably the best looking girl ever to grace our High School. She took to performing her talent during assembly, much to the surprise and delight of the remainder of upper school. After a while she appeared to have developed the capability of producing an inward 'sucking' noise to accompany the outward 'farting' noise, the only way I can describe this sublime sound is to have you imagine someone rhythmically thrusting a plunger in and out of a small bucket full of custard. She received such admiration for her expertise that before long several other girls had mysteriously discovered they shared her talent, producing sporadic low pitched squelching noises across the lecture theatre every other day. The final result culminated in daily renditions of the 'Fanny Farting Frog Chorus' that lasted for weeks, causing utter disruption and chaos. Fabulous.

I have since discovered many girls can perform this amazing bodily function, but for some inexplicable reason, dont.
approved Sep 23 2003, submitted Aug 6 2003 by Mouse Harden
No, it was quitsies, for fucks sake! Where the hell do you people come from?
approved Oct 2 2003, submitted Aug 5 2003 by Mouse Harden