The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Kevin Downey
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During breaktime, collect a few large stones. Inform a peer that you are about to have a shit in the pond, then drop the stones behind your back, slightly squatting, making ever-increasingly tortured straining noises before each is released. When boredom sets it, try using different, larger and more irregular objects, or better still, perform to the girls.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Kevin Downey
A cruel show performed by girls, built on the relentless requests by boys for a flash of their knickers. The skirt would be lifted and folded in a carefully calculated fan-formation to the following song;
One, two, three, four,
come on boys and see some more!
Five, six, seven, eight,
Sorry boys you're just too late.
At this point the skirt would be released back to it's full length, just before any part of the knickers had been revealed, leaving the boys to punch their own palms in cartoonish frustration.
approved Dec 10 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Kevin Downey
A touching ode to an incompetent Oriental farmer:
Ching Chong Chinaman went to milk a cow
Ching Chong Chinaman didn't know how
Ching Chong Chinaman pulled the wrong tit
Ching Chong Chinaman covered in shit.
In retrospect it's hard to imagine what 'the wrong tit' could possibly mean, although I suppose it could be the cow's tail.
approved Feb 4 2003, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Kevin Downey
An imaginary card that you never knew you had until you are informed that you have dropped it. An instinctive glance at the ground is then instant proof that you are a member of this exclusive club.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Kevin Downey