The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Olly Lambert
Search LOTP
Fainting was a brief but common practice amongst 7 year olds in 1979. The would-be fainter and his assistant would stand by the playground wall. The fainter would breathe deeply in and out as fast as he could, whipping up a nice dizzy spell of hyperventilation. After 20 deep breaths, he forces out his final emormous gob of air, and just as he does so the assistant lunged and pressed his chest against the wall as hard as he could. God knows how it works, but the fainter will immediately conk out and collapse, usually falling slightly unconscious and no doubt nearly dying in the process. I've no doubt Michael Hutchence did something similar on his final night alive, only he got his cock out first.
approved Dec 3 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Olly Lambert
when fully opened back upon itself, some classroom doors create a kind of tiny triangular cell, made from two corner walls and a door. An unpopular pupil may be safely contained in this cell. Then, every single school bag within reach may be hurled over the top, crushing the victim, and usually making him scream in a wild "drowning" panic.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Olly Lambert
A game of genuine bravery. Wait until the teacher's back is turned, then stand up, with your eyes closed, sticking two fingers up. The longer you dared do it, the cooler you were. If they teacher discovered you, then you could almost plead ignorance - you had your eyes closed, so you didn't know your fingers were up. Sort of thing.
approved Nov 24 2002, submitted Nov 24 2002 by Olly Lambert