The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
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One girl in my class was convinced the school milk came from rabbits. How the hell she thought you'd fit a milking machine on tiny little rabbit baps I have no idea.

My brother used to put pink food colouring (not Nesquik or anything cool, just dye) in milk and call it dragon's milk. Why he didn't get beaten up more often I have no idea either.
approved Aug 16 2006, submitted Aug 15 2006 by Name Withheld
A boy pointed at me and said to his friend, "she's always crying."

This made me cry.
approved Jun 29 2007, submitted Apr 3 2006 by Name Withheld
Here's another GWNN example, but not nearly as fun. Or, indeed, clever.
Kid A: What's your favourite animal?
Kid B: Leopard.
A: What's your favourite colour?
B: Green.
A: What's your favourite number?
B: Six.
A: I've never seen a green leopard with six legs!
Flawed, because as soon as someone had done it to you once, you could say dog, black, four to the next person, leaving them powerless to do anything but dither and say 'ermm...'
Not played beyond the age of 6.
approved Jul 12 2006, submitted Mar 17 2006 by Name Withheld
In one primary school assembly we were solemnly told that every nine seconds, someone, somewhere in the world, dies. The next week saw the playground filled with the eerie sound of small children chanting "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, somebody's died, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, somebody's died," usually whilst skipping.
approved Mar 27 2006, submitted Jan 19 2006 by Name Withheld
Write YES on one side of a rubber and NO on the other. Ask it a question, then flip it for the answer. Be wary, though, of what you ask, particularly the potentially devastating 'Am I gay?' If you get an answer in the affirmative, you are doomed forever. The rubber oracle never lies.

Mind you, if you are so sexually insecure as to feel the need to ask that particular question, you're probably gay anyway. Again, doomed.
approved Dec 7 2005, submitted Nov 14 2005 by Name Withheld
My dad and some other teachers conspired to ensure that the first letters of each line on some kid's report spelled out 'LITTLE SHIT'. Brilliance.
Hold on, I'll just get the bullshit detector. Beep beep beep BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP.
Oh, go on, then - mansh
approved Nov 15 2005, submitted Nov 10 2005 by Name Withheld
In primary school, the worst torment I suffered was a bunch of older boys always calling me 'Chocolate Biscuit'. This might have been a moderate insult, had I been black. But I'm not.
I also got called 'funnyless'. Were they trying to say 'fannyless'? Either way, it was terribly difficult for me to feel bothered.
Thank God secondary school was crueller - otherwise I'd have died of boredom.
approved Apr 27 2005, submitted Apr 25 2005 by Name Withheld