The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Captain Crackerjack
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At my school, there was a chap called Ima Cuntrash.
Mansh says:
FOR FUCKSAKE: NO THERE WASN'T.
approved Jan 27 2006, submitted Jan 25 2006 by Captain Crackerjack
Apparently Clare Fieldhouse masturbated 13 times in one day, the dirty bitch. Most I ever managed was 7, and I'm male.
Yes, but it only counts if it's to 'issue' for a boy (or certain talented lady actresses in bongo fillums), or wobbly wetlegs for a girl. I mean, I have maintained a lazy lob for HOURS in front of daytime telly when throwing a sickie without actually blowing my stack. I demand a recount.
approved Jan 27 2006, submitted Jan 25 2006 by Captain Crackerjack
I don't know what kind of establishment Bionic Sheep went to, but the staplers at my school were barely powerful enough to punch through a small wad of paper, let alone 'planks of wood across the room'. I get the impression that his rememberances are somewhat shrouded in the tinsel and glitter. Or possibly the staplers at my school were just shit.
approved Jul 11 2006, submitted Jan 24 2006 by Captain Crackerjack
A popular joke in Yorkshire involved the telephone number of some form of Ethiopian food donatory charity, which was 080 028028, or, if said properly by a Yorkshire child, 'Who ate nowt, nowt to eat, nowt to eat'. Kind of.
Tenuous at best.
approved Mar 27 2006, submitted Jan 19 2006 by Captain Crackerjack
Our version went thus:
I'm telling on you
You dirty kangaroo
You pushed me in the river
At half past two.
Interestingly, there was a river fairly near to our school, although to the best of my knowledge, no-one was ever pushed in it by a kangaroo, dirty or otherwise.
Someone once punched the headmaster in the FACE, though. IN THE FACE!
approved Jan 20 2006, submitted Jan 18 2006 by Captain Crackerjack