The Law of the Playground
the pupil report of
Neil Robinson
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A manoeuvre in the school photography darkroom, where a guy would attempt to get a girl to grope his exposed cock without her ever finding out who he was. Pioneered by Adam Hartley circa 1989, on Lisa Wade. Hartley had earlier in his career perfected the illicit 'classroom wank' in double Biology, and the art of 'farting very loudly in assembly and getting away with it', by simply erupting into laughter and taking the rest of the hall with him into fits of giggles, including the teachers. Genius.
approved Mar 24 2003, submitted Mar 22 2003 by Neil Robinson
Legend has it that a pupil at our school long before I was there had once left a nice steaming 'chocolate log' on the bonnet of a teacher's car after receiving a detention. During my stint there were many overheard threats of 'giving that bastard a bonnet log' after a bollocking. To my knowledge though no threat was ever upheld. Pity.

(I wish Log had had this in his backlog rather than me. Now I have a mental picture of him in a nice easter hat with chicks all over it and daisies woven in his beard. Thanks. Susan.)
approved Apr 23 2003, submitted Mar 22 2003 by Neil Robinson
A full packet of Polo mints had to be eaten outright, against the clock (ending with a mouth inspection for illegal residue). Crunching was the only stipulation with no full-mint gulping allowed, and the packet was usually split open length-ways to allow for quicker access beforehand. Manic chomping on a gobfull of brittle mint shards invariably resulted in lacerated gums, loss of fillings etc, but a small price to pay for a shot at the coveted title, last known to be held by David Crake at an impressive 21.3 seconds.
approved Mar 29 2003, submitted Mar 22 2003 by Neil Robinson